Friday Night Lights
Playing the Sound of Music at the Pantages Theater
The Sound of Music
Today marks the beginning of the first weekend of the run. It will be the fourth performance for us. Last night I had the pleasure of meeting Lee Sklar, who I learned is a fan of musical theater. He came to edge of the pit and we talked about the show, about the instrumentation (a particularly large ensemble by today’s standards). That was a neat bonus.. to meet a living legend, and also to play the show knowing he was in the audience. Also in attendence were my friend Andres and his mother, whose spounse has recently passed away. I plan to go hava visit with her in the coming weeks.
Returning once again to yoga practice has been helpful, and I am always appreciative of the focused breathing and the mental clarity that can come in the process. I have had this practice intermittently for so many years, that the movemenets feel almost second nature. I appreciate this so much.. the familiarity and flow of a routine that is so ingrained in my muscle memory and my body’s recollection. I sometime flirt with the idea of going to practice in a mysore setting again. I have fond memories of the comeraderie and the shared space, the inspiration and added focus. Maybe I will give this to myself again sometime soon. There is a shala nearby where one of Noah’s students teaches, and some of the folks I know from back then will likely appear.
I began to read Infinite Jest yesterday, and I plan to continue today. So far it is thick and wordy, but interesting to be sure. I didn’t grab me like some books have, but I trust that if I give it time I will settle into it and that I will enjoy the experience. I have listened to the author speak a few times before and I found him to be articulate and earnest. He struck me as someone who has really spent the time to appreciate long-form thought and writing, the slow process of prolonged contemplation. This is a commodity which seems to be more scarce than ever before in our world. I feel drawn to connect with my own version of the slow contemplation, thinking and feeling to explore the inner worlds which ground us and which can serve as points of connection between our ships passing each other in the night.
Afternoon
Picked up dry cleaning and a coffee in busy Silverlake. Back at the house now sitting next to the fan and feeling like writing some more. Got a message from TM asking for a donation for a friend who is trying to flee Russia, and also inquiring about us and whether we still own the property in SY. I feel a bit guarded and nervous given the history for C and I. Nervous that he will be asking for financial assistance. I can contribute certainly, but I need to stay grounded and centered. This stimulates some feelingsd around duty to extended family, when there is little cohesiveness in my extended family. Cousins and relations sho I do not feel a connection to; some with big problems, and some with poor boundaries.
As I age, I notice the young people out there being at ease and confident, hopeful. They appear naive to me now, instead of intimidating. I know more about myself and much more about what it feels like to face loss and the inevitable ups and downs of life. I departed long ago from my older versions of ascribing meaning to events in my life and in the world, in the workplace. Of course I still do this unconsciously, but I have been able to let go of some of them, and I feel all that much lighter as a result. When I was younger, I felt more certain about outcomes and what they meant. I also projected certain types of fulfillment and happiness into the future, imagining that I would attain these things as I progressed in career, or found a suitable partner. At this stage, and in this moment, I feel more inclined to believe that it’s all about what happens inside myself. I can try to be present within my body and within my emotional self, surrendering to the best of my abilities, and being truthful with myself, but being truthful in this way with others is much more challenging.
Today I had the thought that H has difficulty around other people’s feelings and intentions, and projects quite a lot in this regard. Dr H was describing a woman who was inserting beliefs toward her Psychiatrist, convinced that he was “grooming” her and being a predator, when by her description, he seemed to be observing good professionalism, ethics and boundaries. Dr H said that when someone doesn’t receive good attunement in childhood, this can occur. They need others to prove to them that they are safe, all the while challenging the reality in their projections and imaginings. He calls it distortion.
